Most of us belong to a large circle of friends that we have known for years. Few of us have more than two circles of friends. You know what I am talking about. These are the girl and guy friends that you hang out every weekend with. You know everything that is going on in each other's life, you are there for each other and it seems like you will always be together. We are the generation that made St. Elmo's Fire a cult classic.


But why do we limit ourselves to dating within our own circle of friends? Once you have been in that same circle of friends for a number of years the act of dating within your group can actually elevate itself to the "creepy" stage and begin to resemble incest instead of dating. A have a number of girlfriends that seem to continuously date every single guy in our group, jumping from one to the other as if it were a taste test. This behavior is not limited to the females only; my male friends enjoy the same sort of lifestyle. Myself and few others excluded, I think every one of my friends have hooked up with each other at some point in time. For example, I have a girlfriend who is sexually active with three different guy friends. She really likes one of them but he is just interested in the sex. Unbeknownst to her, he is really into another girlfriend who is the her best friend and neither one of them know about it. Meanwhile the girl he really digs is into and involved with another guy friend who is his good friend. And it goes on and on from there. Although we are all good friends, it has become a complex tangle of sexual and emotional deceit.


Casual sex can be such a pleasure. It is fabulous to have someone you can call at 2am or even on your lunch hour when you need immediate gratification. But if we are single, why do we continue to find our booty calls within our own troupe? I think the answer has to do with a certain comfort level we experience when we know the person for years on end.


Instead of looking to your best friend's ex as your next lustful victim, try moving outside of the reassuring boundaries that your circle of friends creates. For one thing, dating every one else's ex lovers can create a nasty situation in the future. We have all seen it happen. It can cause isolation, rifts between friendships and some nasty name calling to say the least. People need to look for new dating partners elsewhere. Try new venues, grand openings, meeting people at the gym or at that trendy new restaurant. We meet new people every day yet sometimes we fear those we don't know. There is no reason to.


Dating outside the group will also help to keep your close knit friends even closer because you will completely avoid what could turn out to be a jealous rivalry between good friends. There are four million people in the city of Houston alone and even if you don't live in a big city such as Houston, there are bound to be thousands of available singles right where you are. These statistics hardly compare to the number of your usual cohorts..you should be able to find compatible and yummy new companions in the dating sea of singles and singlets. Stop using your own fish bowl for fishing purposes.


Now, the Diva is not saying that you should go ahead and have crazy head banging sex with every new person you meet, although that would keep the condom supply and manufacturing economy sizzling. I am just saying that we need to get out more. There is so much diversity and wonderful new people to experience everyday in the big city so why not take full advantage of it? Get out there and create new social groups, meet more people and dare the world to stop you.




For questions and comments contact The Advice Diva at thediva@advicediva.com


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The Advice Diva has written three self-help guides on relationships and dating which can be found at http://www.advicediva.com. She also hosts an online advice column which is completely free of charge. The Diva does not claim to be an expert in any field. However, she has the ability to understand relationhips through past experience and her incredible insight. Aside from her website, the Diva also publishes monthly articles in two magazines and several notable websites.
thediva@advicediva.com